Birthday Commemoration: The Entitled Survivor III | AbdulAzeez, AbdulMaleek

I can never forget what tomorrow is. And the many tomorrows ahead. Yesterday is now older and bigger than me, bigger than you. The memories are now tools for the future. The glimpses and touches now reflect and count for a better time, kindred remembrance and the conquered struggles.

I, sometimes used to feel hysterical. Heightened, incredibly intense with overwhelming emotions, a rage, a need to run away from this world, a sudden need to never speak to someone again.

I had very well stayed collected in the face of toughest situations. Before the most intriguing and turbulent storms of my life. Dared the most risky. Gambled. Garbled, to stay safe and free.

I stood aloof, distant to stain in hope for clean and brighter edge. The Kings and Queens of the world took their chances, walked in and out smoothly after robbing the dwindling paths, and their backs, – some worked not, so I just figured the top brass didn’t bite.

I have taken shots and shoot at. Created scenes and dramas with my actions, words and chats. While dramatic statements are effective attention grabbers, overstatement merely serves to try your listener’s patience. So, in cases of my overlaps, I calmly maintain a glorified silence. No questions asked.

I have been real. Wore standard suits of my own standard. Dreamed within my possibilities. Race at my pace. Share thoughts, visions and plans that are really conceivable. Have I been scared? Why not? I often worry how many drops would make a bucket-full pallet. I am ambivalent about the future, but, still calm.

I am surviving trials and admitting fresh hurdles. I survived one. And many others. But quiet in dealing with them, struggled, prayed and believed very strongly. As well, humbled by manifestation of amazing grace, grades, unimaginable and unequalled accomplishments. And I have been thankful. And how could I not?

I cannot help or join, be recruited into hating anyone. But I can disagree, I used to. Make fun of funny situations and persons. But I do not hate. I do not hate. I will not hate! My heart is full of love and compassion, and no more space. No space for resentments or ill will.

I do not attribute luck to results of great efforts. Some try to undermine people’s struggles, results, even successes in any endeavour to luck or mere fortune. I think that should not be. I admire acknowledging mastery in various pursuits and giving the credits. That’s humane.

I learned that everybody is different, nothing can make us reason the same and that they will not always see the world as I do. Not everyone will agree with my point of view and perspectives, and that’s okay. I believe so much that our differences make us unique and strong. A diversity of ideas makes us all wiser.

I’m not interested in symbolic gestures. I like realness, straight and frank talks. And truths. I don’t negotiate with people who are fundamentally deceptive and I’m capable of a genuine compliment. But I accord respect, and treat people with the dignity they deserve.

I value good counsel, and I am smart enough to know what I don’t know.

I care for my family. I love my parents and Q’AJ. And my siblings and friends all over. I’ve read hundreds of books, novels and scripts in my life. One claimed that love was the center of the universe. That it could heal any damage inside of us. That it was what we need to survive. I think I didn’t disagree.

I have grown accustomed to my station here. Enduring it as if it lost in a dream. But today, my eyes have been opened. Today, I awake. Forging on, my past shall not define me, even as I stand afeard a resurgence of my true vulnerabilities. The time has come at last to abandon that isle of fear. To depart, never to return. Fare thee well, O Home. Wait for my return no longer. Onward I must proceed with strength in each footfall. Evermore hunted with the memories of the man I used to be. For my old home, is now behind me. Faith remain my new home.

I look back at everything now, and I realise how blessed and privileged I am. I don’t know about you. And I think I’ve also got the best friends in the world. And all of you.

I am rolled into one fiercely protective package. I am an entitled survivor.

June 7, 2022

AbdulAzeez, AbdulMaleek